Hmm…today’s blogversation is a trigger for me, so forgive me if I am not all sunshine and rainbows!
Last week, I chanced upon a topic on one of the few Facebook groups of which I am a member. It was about a Ghanaian media person (a woman, to be precise). Someone shared a picture on the platform, with the following caption: “a woman asked her son not to marry me, just because I have two children”!
The caption didn’t trigger me as much as the comments! You ask why I was triggered? Then you must be new to my blog or maybe because I haven’t written in a long while. But either way, here is why.
You see, I am that media person (figuratively)! I do not have two children, but I have one. No woman has asked her son not to marry me because of that (though one can never be sure). At least, not that I am aware of!
Interestingly, there’s a twist to that angle. A man actually married me because I have a child! To be fair to him, he said it was one of his reasons.
He also has a child and wasn’t interested in having anymore children, so I fit his bill, just right! Thankfully, we didn’t have any, together! Yes, I said thankfully because we’re no longer married. I actually have a blog post on that. Read it up after this, it’s titled , “Till Death”?
Anyway, back to today’s topic.
My trigger comes from the fact that people in the comments on that platform, blamed this woman for wondering why she’s deserving of love and marriage, after having two children! As if having two children and still wanting love and marriage, is a sin/crime!
It got me thinking, about what my chances are or will be, when it comes to love and marriage! Mind you, I am a “born one” and a divorcee! So per our Ghanaian culture, I should forget it! And that makes me feel all kinds of emotions!
Now, I am not using the phrase born one, in any negative way. It’s just how a single mom is called in our local parlance. Though it usually has a negative connotation to it, that connotation does NOT apply here! Neither does the word divorcee carry any negative. I am a single mom, who happens also, to be divorced. Now that is clear up, let’s continue this b’versation. 🥰
I am a good woman and very deserving of love and marriage! Heck, I am such a romantic and believer of love, though love has treated me unfairly a few times!
You see, it was never my plan or intention to be a “born one and/or a divorcee”! Growing up, my plan, when it came to love and marriage, was to get married at 25 and start having children by 27 or 28. Ok, so I had my daughter at 27! But the main plan was, ‘marriage before the baby carriage’! Unfortunately for me, it didn’t quite work out that way. Haha.
I met a young man and at that time, the young, naive and impressionable me, fell for his charm and his words. We messed around and when I realized it was going nowhere, I ended it. Unbeknown to me, a little something of that messing around, was growing inside of me!
When I found out, my world came crashing down, but I had to get up and face the music. The young man took full responsibility and was there 100% till a year after the baby. I really am not sure why, nor is this blogversation to speak ill of the young man, but things didn’t work out and I became a “born one”!
Four years after, I met my “wasband” (it’s a term I use for my ex husband, as in, ‘was my husband’), because ex husband sometimes sound negative. He is a great guy. He was there for me and my daughter, when things were great. But, things also didn’t work out!
Now, I am no longer married, but still a “born one” with the additional title of divorcee! However, that is not how I define myself, because those were experiences I went through. And those experiences have made me better and have helped me be who I am today. An Intelligent, hardworking, beautiful, strong, resilient, independent (not the “I don’t need a man” kind of independent) woman!
I love, love and deserve love! I wouldn’t want any woman, man, family or friend to tell any man I am involved with, not to marry me because of my experiences! I want a man to want/desire me because of me and not be “blinded” by things I have gone through! Those do not make me a bad woman, or unworthy of love and marriage!
I would want him to love and want to marry me for who I am. For who I show him, I am. And for who he wants to be with! So to see and read those comments under that post, really triggered me!
Look, I understand not wanting to be responsible for another man’s child. Heck, I even understand wanting to have your own, ‘no child(ren) having woman’. But to reject a woman simply because she has a child or children, is not fair! If she hid it from you, only for you to find out and decide you don’t want that, is understandable too. But if you knew, went after her any way, planned with her, ate her cookies (let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen), promised to marry her and all that good shit; only to back out because someone asks you to, because she’s a single mum…then *$#&* ahem! I will keep it classy. 😊
A single mum is a package deal, she comes with an accessory/accessories! If that isn’t the specs you’re looking for, do not step to her. But if you want and step up to her, you got to be ready to accept her accessory/accessories too!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, even if you disagree! You can sound off in the comments below!